So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
