Where did you get a picture of my penis
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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