At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
