Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
