Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
