remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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