My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
