I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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