I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
