so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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