Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
