She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
