Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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