I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
