I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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