I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
