I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
