I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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