I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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