giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
