i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
