sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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