I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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