We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
