She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
thus making me awesome and them whores
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
