This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
