thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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