I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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