if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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