Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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