We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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