And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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