Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
