My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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