This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize