I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
