I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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