I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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