Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
