Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need to stop coming to work sober
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
