dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
