The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
