to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
