This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
