I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
