Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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