im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
