you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
