You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I did not marry a roomba.
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