Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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