I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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