I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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