I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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