somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
