Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
