Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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