Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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