Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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