St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
