so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
