You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
