I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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