apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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