Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
