I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
